In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
