So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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