Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
