I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
