It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
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