Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
my poor anus
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Randomize
