If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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