i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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