you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
