Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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