I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
