Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
