Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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