I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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