Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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