I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize