it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I just blew my weed a kiss
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize