just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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