You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
