guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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