Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
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