I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
We were destined to go to rehab together
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize