Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
