I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize