you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I am naked and annoyed.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
