I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
How does it feel to date your dad?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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