Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
