Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
