My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
