That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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