In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
