this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
