ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Just fell off a train. Bad.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
