I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
