dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
