Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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