goodnight i made you a song goodbye
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
