Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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