Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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