i may or may not be watching the land before time
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize