video games are the ultimate cock blocker
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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