i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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