i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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