did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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