hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I understand Curling. That high.
this will be a night to untag.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
