I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize