so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
