i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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