I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
