I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
