I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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