Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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