Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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