I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
