Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
