Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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