why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
