I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
