He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
