Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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