my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
can u get pink eye on your cock?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
you will always have a special place in my vag
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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