I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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