Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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