break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Im just a social blackout drinker.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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