I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
