Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
