I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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