i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
