oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
