Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
