He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
