dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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