So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
