Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
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