Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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