U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize